Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
