I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish you could order shots online.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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