Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
