apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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