Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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