We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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