Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
