Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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