He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
