Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
