I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
