And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
