know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
