I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
