That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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