you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
