honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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