Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
