I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
