I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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