i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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