Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
