just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
