I think my vagina is haunted
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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