He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i came on her dog
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
