Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
