Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
