i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
