I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
