Just cropdusted the office
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
