His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
