Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
