what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
