I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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