well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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