are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
