I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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