i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
