I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
