No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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