i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
