I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
