just come out here and I will go home with you...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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