Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
