I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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