Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
