Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
