seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
