You really coming over, don't trick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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