i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
